Forest of Love

So many years on, and I am still lost in the 'Forest of Love'

Having attempted and climbed multiple trees in this magical forest, I have seen how this forest can be mysterious, uplifting, inspiring, wondrous and lit up all around with pixie lights, yet can also be dark, depressing, dreadful, scary and ringing with the sound of silence and solitude.

I have attempted to climb too many trees in a bid to see the light of the day and to find my way out of this forest at last, but none have proven to be the right tree. All too many times I have fallen off branches, fell, hurt myself and picked myself up again.

Sometimes the falls would be more vicious and I would find myself lying on the ground for days on end, as I tried to recover from the painful cuts and broken bones. After a while, I learned how to soften the fall in order to suffer less cuts and pains. At other times, I did not fall out of the tree but instead climbed back down on my own accord after realizing that the continued upward climb would lead nowhere; yet with some other tree, it could have been the pessimism that gnawed away at the courage that I had when I first climbed the tree, such that I retreated back down halfway during the climb for fear of yet being discouraged once again. Surely some of those who watch me might think it is folly and mad to start climbing a tree with gusto, only to beat a retreat simply because of the fears and insecurities in my heart.

Could it be that I have grown so used to living in this forest with all its wonders and hauntings that subconsciously, at the back of my mind, I fear to find a tree that would eventually show me the way out of this dwelling that I have grown accustomed to?

Some months ago, I started climbing a new tree. This tree offered an easy and comfortable climb, and it felt right. I could almost picture seeing the sun rays peeking at me from between the foliage. I climbed a little each day and as I did, the well spaced out and sturdy branches of this tree offered me a newfound sense of security that I have not had for so long. I became comforted by the consistent and gentle nature of this tree and as much as I still know not what lies ahead of me and whether this would be the tree that I had been looking for all this while... my soul felt comforted and I felt safe.

But then as I grew used to this tree, I saw another tree close by... from the distance that I was at, this other tree had a sort of illumination to it, its trunk was straight and smooth and it stood tall and brave. I saw that its branches looked strong and sturdy; it called out to me in its voiceless way. It challenged me to go to it instead, it sang out in my head that it was the tree that I had been searching for so long. It was close enough to see, yet I could not touch it. To get to it, I would have to climb back down into the forest in order to get to that tree.

It tempted me, a part of me wanted to find out what lay upwards if I were to climb that tree... yet I had spent several months now ascending this tree and a part of my heart told me to stay with this tree and to continue climbing it. Paralyzed by the dilemma of what to do, I sat in my tree mulling over what I should do... Some days, I started to climb down, tempted by the promises that the new tree might bring; the next day though logic would tell me to continue climbing upwards, perhaps I might soon see the sun. Just a few more branches up...

Life is a confusion, as mere mortals - how do we know for sure what is the right thing to do? Wise men and fools alike say, "follow your heart", but having lived long enough and suffered enough heartbreaks, I know too for a fact that our heart may not always be the best gauge. Emotions, is like a double-edged sword that can cut both ways. Emotions make us human but it also clouds our mind.

Is there a compass or a map that we can follow? Is there a guide or a wise man from who I can seek counsel from?

Do I continue climbing or should I descent to get to that other tree? What is life? What is love?